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(April
2010) DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE PIZZA GUY!!!
O.K. I'll admit
it! I am not the most domestic woman. Cooking just doesn't come naturally to me. I will avoid cleaning and laundry at
all costs. I guess I have been known to order take-out every so often. O.K. maybe more often than not. This evening I
had a startling moment. I guess you could call it an Oprah "A-ha moment!" We ordered a couple pizzas, no big
deal. When the pizza delivery man arrived he said to my husband.."oh you moved!!" Then he spouted off our old address.
Seriously, you know our old address? So either this guy has a fantastic memory or we order way too much take out. So the lesson
of the day is don't underestimate the pizza guy. He's got his eye on you!! The days are over of me answering the door
without a bra on. Will this incident make me stop ordering take out?? Absolutely not!! I will just have to throw some
more take out places into the mix; and the next time I move I will be sure to move out of this guy's pizza jurisdiction.
(April 2010) Debmo Does Disney...
I just spent a fun filled week in Disney with my family. I love Disney!! I can’t get enough of it. We
went all the time when I was growing up. I loved it so much I did an internship there when I was in college. I happily took
a job making six dollars an hour and where I was required to pay most of my paycheck to live in apartments owned by Disney.
I was never so excited to wear blue polyester pants. I came home from that internship busted. I couldn’t even buy a
soda in the airport. However, I can say I worked for the “Mouse.” Selling glow sticks is a fabulous resume writer.
Right?!?! I mean I now have a “Mousters.” They say that Disney is the happiest place on earth. I think that is
true. It is the only place where you are happy to wait in line for an hour to take a five minute jungle cruise. The only thing
according to my husband that would have made it a little better is if they sold pizza slices while you were waiting. Great
idea honey!! Where’s that suggestion box? You are over charged for EVERYTHING and you are happy to pay the prices. Sure
I will pay four dollars for an ice cream bar. It is so cute. It is shaped like Mickey Mouse!! I am happy to wait forty five
minutes past my reservation time for the character breakfast. I wouldn’t dare leave now. I want a picture with Chip
n’ Dale (a.k.a. Chip n’ Dip to my son). I found myself becoming an obsessed Disney multi-tasking
mom. O.k. you guys wait in line for the Monsters Inc., I will go get a fast pass for Space Mountain. While the older kids
go on Space Mountain, I will wait in line to see Buzz Lightyear with the youngest. Wait. Where is Buzz going? What do you
mean he needs a break? This is the time I allotted for Buzz. You tell Buzz to get his pan ass back here and sign my kids’
autograph book. Just have him pee in his suit. No one will ever know. O.K. we finally got Buzz’s autograph. Now let’s
head to frontierland. Don’t you dare stop for that show in front of the castle. That show is for amateurs. While everyone
is watching the show, we will get on the rides quicker. Keep moving. Don’t look!! We are not leaving
this park until someone drops in the middle of Main Street. No, we are not go back to the hotel to swim. You’ll have
plenty of time to swim when you are dead. Wait! What??? That may not have been an appropriate thing to say. You know who are
the happiest people at Disney?? All the people riding motorized scooters!! There were more people on rascals than walking
upright. Do these people need to show proof that they need a rascal? I’m just saying! They get front row seating to
all of the shows. I think they should have to show some kind of proof. Something like a field sobriety test. However, these
people all comfy in the front row during the Lion King show could not have prepared themselves for my mother. Just when you
think it is safe. My mother will worm her way into the middle of your party to get a better seat. She has no remorse
and no guilt. Oh and don’t you dare say a word to her. She will put you in your place in one hot minute. She had a back
operation. She is absolutely entitled to sit on the handicap benches. I am usually horrified by this behavior,
but once my kids got picked to be in the show all was forgiven!! If we are allowed back in the park; we'll see ya real
soon Mickey!!
(March 2010) A DAY
IN THE LIFE OF FACEBOOK....
Facebook is completely out of control. It is just a totally consuming and
a ridiculous way to communicate. When I am on facebook it is like nothing else exists. I send my
husband an instant message asking him to flip the load of laundry. He IM’s me back that he can’t do it right
now. Then it comes up on my newsfeed that he just got a goat on farmville. That’s why he couldn’t help with the
laundry? He’s playing farmville. Oh that’s nice. I guess it could be worse. He could have been playing sorority
life. I just got a personal message (PM) from a girl who was in my speech class at Temple. I haven't talked
to her in so long. Well actually I don’t think I ever talked to her. It’s funny how you can
be facebook friends with someone you never even have spoken to. Why didn’t I talk to her? She seems so cool. She just
became a fan of flip flops. I love flip flops. I don’t care if it is winter or summer. Flip flops are awesome. We probably
would have been good friends. Oh no!! My phone is ringing! I'll just let it go to voicemail. It's my Mom, I'll
write something on her wall, "can't talk I'm on fb...write me back". My friend just put up a status update
that she hates liars. Cryptic status updates make me crazy. Now I want to know who lied and what happened. I don’t feel
it is my place to ask outright, so I guess I will have to stalk the comments under her status to see if I can figure it out
on my own. You can totally tell so much about your friends by seeing what groups they join. Like, the group every time I see
your face, I see SLUT; or I felt like punching you in the face on multiple occasions. Yikers!!! I have to wonder if it’s
me you’re talking about!?! Do me a favor. If I ever cause you to join mad/angry groups just de-friend me. I promise
you, no questions asked. Oh fun, I just got a new notification. Someone commented on my status, ROTFLMAO. Internet slang is so bizarre. No one really speaks like this
in the real world. Who says that is so funny, I am rolling on the floor laughing my ass off? Really
you are rolling on the floor. No you are not. You are just really laughing. So why not just write RL or RRL. You are really,
really laughing. So I purposely refuse to use LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO. It doesn’t matter how hard
I am laughing at someone’s comment. I just won’t do it. Well I ignored my family long enough. I guess I should
put my kids to bed. I can’t wait until they fall asleep, so I can get back on Facebook and see if anything
new has happened in the twenty minutes that I was gone. LOL
(Feb. 2010) DEBMO HITS THE GYM...
Since I have my blogging schedule under control, I decided to throw exercise into
to the mix. It is time for me to get my butt in gear, get in shape, and lose some weight. So for some insane reason, I let
my friends talk me into going to step class. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. I don’t even have
steps in my house. The only steps in my house are to the basement, where I do laundry and I rarely ever do laundry. Hence,
why my husband hasn’t had clean socks in a week! My first clue that the class was going to be a nightmare occurred instantly
when the instructor says get your step, light weights, heavy weights, a ball, and a mat. Oh is that it? Anything else??
What about a jump rope? Are you sure you don’t want us to jump rope while we are stepping. Ring of fire, maybe??
So, still I am not too worried because between you and me the instructor was kind of chunky. I am not trying to be mean, but
it is rare to see a heavy instructor. So, I guess I thought how hard could it be?? Well fifteen minutes in to the class I
had a cramp the size of Florida; and the lights were so bright in the gym that I thought I was in an operating room. I literally
had to knock over the sixty-year-old woman who was behind me to get to my water bottle. My two friends looked like they
were holding up just fine. In fact my one friend, who was on her third workout that day, was practically painting her nails
during the class!! So the harsh reality is that I am an out of shape fatty. So finally it is the last part of the class. Things
start to wind down and it is time to work on our abs. I am relieved that I can catch my breath and I don’t have to make
up a huge excuse to leave the class. The instructor has us put the mat on top of the step while holding the ball between our
legs and resting the heavy weights on our chest. Really?? This is all ridiculous, but what is the point of putting the mat
on the step?? I think the only purpose for this is for me to fall off of the step and look like an a-hole. I kind of think
exercise class is like child birth. Once it is over, you forget how horrible it was while it is happening. After we stretched
at the end of class, I thought this wasn’t so bad. It would have been better with an epidural but I managed. Really
Deb?? Thirty minutes ago you threw a bottle of water over your head screaming turn off the lights; and were doubled over with stomach pains
as if you just finished the 10,000 meter speed skate at the Winter Olympics. I have had a little time to reflect and I think
I will go back next week; but if that woman thinks I am thanking her when class is over she is sadly mistaken!!
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