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July 15, 2010
Dear Debmo,
My wife and I have no children of our own. We have volunteered to take my sister’s 3 children (Ages 7, 5, 3 –
2Boys and a girl) for an overnight sleepover in 2 weeks. One
of the ideas we had as a way to keep the kids occupied was to possibly camp out in a tent in the backyard. We were wondering if there is anything that, as a mother, you could tell us to help
us survive this experience . . . . .And ensure the children’s safety . . . .
Thanks.
Curious in West Chester
Dear Curious,
Well…I was all about your email until you mentioned the children’s safety. I
don’t really have a good track record on that particular subject. We call Friday’s in my house E.R. Friday’s!!
However, I am all about helping you entertain and survive watching your nephews and niece. I bet you niece is sooo adorable.
Just a hunch!!
Anyway, the first thing you need
to do when they arrive is search frantically in your cabinets for any pain medication that you may have lying around. I am
sure if you had a tooth pulled or something in the past!! Not only should you get it out of the children's reach; but
I suggest you pop one of those babies and chase it with a beer. Pain meds just don’t have the same effect if alcohol
isn’t involved. I don’t suggest you continue to drink. It is just a one and done type of thing that you should
absolutely repeat every four hours. I strongly suggest that your wife does not participate in this “procedure”
due to the fact that you may need a designated driver later in the evening. It is your job as the aunt and uncle to allow
them to do everything that their mom and does not allow them do. It is not your job to make sure they eat
a vegetable or monitor their television viewing. Jumping on the couch is completely acceptable. In fact
tell your sister to not even pack toothbrushes. OMG! I have a great idea!! I could lend you our Xbox and collection of Call
of Duty games. Yeah, they are rated “Mature” but the kids will love being able to play shoot up the soldiers.
It is never too early to start the kids on a path of being addicted to video games. However, I just can’t put my stamp
of approval on camping outside in your backyard. You can still set the tent up for yourself. You may need to sleep
off those pain pills at some point. I suggest you play camping with the kids in the air conditioned living room with lots
of comfy blankets on the floor in front of the television. You need a campground that is surrounded by doors that can lock.
You are kidding yourself if you think those kids don’t know how to work a tent zipper!! If the kids
are too sugared up from their pixie sticks and soda dinner that you allowed them to eat, then it’s is totally o.k. to
slip them a Benadryl. I personally have never done it, but I hear it works and they are sure to sleep through the night. Well
good luck curious. Hope, I have been able to help! That is what I am here for!!
P.S. Where is your sister going the night you are watching the kids and why wasn’t
I invited?? Just sayin’!!
March
3, 2010
Dear
Debmo,
I was recently asked to serve as Vice President on the board for Marching Band. I was nominated and the
board voted me in. Since I have already been actively involved, I was also asked to take over fundraising. Two days after
I was voted in, “Skirty” (the Secretary) and “Don't Bogart that Joint” McMichaels (the Sargent
of Arms) resigned from the board stating they do not like the direction in which the board is headed. Although, I believe
they have other issues with the board, I know their resignation is a direct result of me being elected to the board. I just
don’t get it. I think I am “NICE!” Why would they do this??
P.S. I call them “Skirty” because
she is always in a skirt and “Don’t Bogart that Joint” because she is always wearing tie-dye!! Signed, Jenn "but, I'm NICE" Grabbe
Dear Jenn,
Thank you for your letter. Since I know you on a personal level, I can say that you are “NICE.”
I don’t think this is at all because you are not “NICE!!” I think there could be a few reasons why “Skirty”
and “Don’t Bogart That Joint” may have resigned from the board. It is possible “Don’t
Bogart That Joint” was high and being totally paranoid thinking you were going to steal her secret stash or her lovely
tie dye shirt. It is also possible that “Skirty” took a look at the Farmer’s Almanac and noticed that
we are heading into a very rainy season. I mean how many times have we been told that you don’t wear skirts in the rain?
However if I had to guess and I don’t’ know these women it is because they were living in the shade. They were
being shady and they would totally be caught once you came on board. No one can compete with you when it comes to organizing
an event or a fundraiser. You are on it!! Now there is no dipping their hands in the “candy bar sale” jar, or
no kick back from the frozen pizza sale, or maybe they are just plain out “haters!” I see it every day with Tila
Tequila on her twitter account. People are always hating on her!! Why do people follow Tila on twitter if they are just going
to hate on her? Why did they elect you to the board if they didn’t want you?? Anyway, regardless
of the many reasons they could have resigned, I say who cares!! If being on the board is something you want to do and is good
for your family then good riddance to them. The skirt and shirt are out and you are in. Don’t look
back!! That board is lucky to have you and they know it!! However there was that one time when you weren’t very nice
to that woman who was working at McDonald’s. I think you may have thrown a soda or something at her. I can’t quite
remember the story. So if the woman working the drive thru that day was “Skirty” or “Bogart” then
it is definitely your fault and they don’t think you are nice!! Other then that you are totally good!!
Oh and P.S…
There is always the option to “NICELY” ask why they resigned and if it had anything to do with you? I know this
is a little unorthodox but it is an option!!
Hope this helps!!
Love always,
Debmo
February 14, 2010
Dear Debmo, My grandmother has another family that she seems to love more than her first family. This became
apparent to me when I was snowed in at her house earlier this week. No one could interrupt her from
the drama, hijinks, and tomfoolery in Genoa City. Seriously, how could the girl in the mental institution
knock out her doctor and dye the doctor's hair without anyone noticing all in the confines of a padded cell?
When I asked my grandmom - mind you, on a commercial break - she said it happens. When Victor needed
a new heart and was contemplating killing someone, my grandmom was in tears. After all, she has known Victor
since the 1970's. I think my niece might be following my grandmom to this new family. As
we were getting ready to shovel and dig out cars, my niece told me to wait. She had to see what happened
to Patty/Dr. Peterson and that maybe one was dead. My grandmom quickly educated my niece. She
told her the doctor wasn't dead because then the storyline would be over. The doctor had to be alive
so that a new storyline would start. And according to my grandmom, the crazy lady will now impersonate
the doctor while the doctor will have to prove she is not the crazy lady. Seems complicated, but my niece
understood. My niece should be careful because my grandmom got me hooked on Knott's Landing when I
was younger.
Do we need
to schedule a Young & the Restless intervention for my grandmom and possibly
my niece?
This letter was sent anonymously so just for kicks I am going to refer
to the person that wrote the letter as Farrah, Grandmom as Fifi, and the niece as Sweden.
Dear Farrah,
Thank you for your letter! I do not feel an intervention is necessary for
Fifi and Sweden. I think it is actually very healthy to watch soaps. What a fabulous bonding opportunity for the two of them!!
It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it!! I recall a summer when I was younger when my brother and I watched Y&R
everyday. We were in Florida and there weren’t any kids around so we spent our time going to the pool, learning how
to play tennis and watching Y & R. I think this is a great outlet for Fifi. I mean she just found out that
Mrs. Chancellor has a son who also was Patch from Days of Our Lives and Stefan from General Hospital. She can't stop
watching now!! Just think when Sweden gets older and faces some of the disappointments that life has to offer she will
be able to cope so much better because of watching Y & R. Let’s say Sweden really wants to go
to one particular college but doesn’t get accepted. This might be a huge disappointment for most people but not for
Sweden. She’ll think to herself at least I didn’t get pregnant from my ex-husband who is now remarried. Then when
I gave birth to the baby was told the baby died, but actually the baby didn’t die, it was stolen and given to my friend,
who thought she was pregnant but wasn’t really. Do you see what I am saying? She will just pick another college and
move on!! However you may want to explain to Sweden that when someone dies in “real life” that they are in fact
really dead. There is no chance of them coming back in a few years or as another character in her life. Hope this helps!!
Debmo
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